August 23, 2010

A Melancholy Mood

I'm in a melancholy sort of mood. Not sad, just a bit nostalgic,

D starts 1st grade in two days. First grade! I just can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday when I was at his preschool graduation, sobbing about what a big boy he was getting to be. Kindergarten seemed so OLD to me. And now he is going into first grade. Amazing.

And A is going into her last year of preschool! I still have a few more weeks of vacation with her before her school starts, but she will be going three days a week for the first time. Next year she will go to a pre-kindergarten program offered through our school district (we're holding her back a year for a million obvious reasons) and then the year after SHE will be in kindergarten too.

I've written before about how sad I get as the kids get older. The passing of time is so fast. I do try to savor each moment, but it's hard....I easily get caught up in the day-to-day stuff and forget to be IN THE MOMENT. This summer has been wonderful. I feel like I did get lots of quality time with the kids. We did some "big" stuff (took a trip to Colorado to visit my dad and step-mother; D was in camp for a month) but much of what I loved was the "small" stuff (trips to the beach, going to Sea World, getting frozen yogurt, running errands). I purposefully didn't schedule a lot of playdates, even though they would have filled up some time. Although we saw friends here and there, much of the summer was just D, A and myself. I loved spending time together, even if it was just a routine trip to Target.

In two days D will be gone every day until 1:45. The next few weeks will be quieter. When A starts school in 3 weeks, things will amp up quite a bit (see here for last year's schedule; this year will only be busier and more hectic). Not only will she be in school as well (and she will be in the afternoon session) but all of her school-based therapies will kick in again, in addition to the therapies she also has as Children's Hospital. We will be busy, busy, busy, so I'm glad we had a slow-paced summer.

Yes, I'm melancholy. But in a good way. I love my kids, and want to soak it all up.


  1. Well said, SM. I know what you mean. I remember rocking our youngest as an infant and working so thoughtfully on memorizing every aspect of the moment. There's nothing like it.

    At the same time, I truly do not want to hold our children back and force myself to push them forward when they need it. As you do.

  2. I think it's perfectly natural to mourn the loss of what was while celebrating the joy of what is. These milestones are bound to bring out mixed emotions. Doesn't make it any easier, but still, I understand what you're talking about!


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